"i'm haunted"

to those of you who don't know yet (because you've been living in a facebook deprived rock, i see).. my father died early saturday morning, between 6 and 7 am. he died at peace and at home and that's all he really wanted.
his funeral was earlier today (tuesday) and it was beautiful, though as painful as anything. it was wonderful to see my family and to again see aunt julie's precious new baby (born only a day after dad died), but awful to see them under such sad consequences.
i don't feel like going into detail right now. just know the baby is beautiful and fat -- 9lbs 15oz at birth and named ryan stephen (stephen was my father's middle name and also akin to my gramma stephanie's first name. she died in january).

so, sad stuff aside -- i love my family and i'm so glad and grateful that i got to know my dad before he passed. it hurts so much worse than it would have had i never known him, but.. i helped him to know he was loved.