"why sometimes i've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast"

just started stage crew tonight for "crazy for you." it's tough and crazy and demanding, but it's really fun, too. the people are great and i'm having a good time working with them and i'm sure, as we learn the scene changes better, the experience will calm down and we can all just relax a little bit.
i know a few of the cast members - rob, mike, and kendall are all in the chorus. it was fun and shocking to realize that these people that i know from a whole 'nother world (altoona, that is) are working with me up here. small world, much?

i was in the theatre for over 6 hours -- from ~4.45 to 11.15 or so. soooo tired! and i'm looking forward to another looong day tomorrow, but it should be fun and enriching, overall. i don't really know why i enjoy working in the theatre - maybe i miss performance? maybe i just want to create something with a group of people. i don't worry about it too much.. i just know that, even though i loathe some parts of it, the waiting, the hurrying, the dealing with actors.. even through all of that, i still love the theatre and i don't want to ever have to give it up. i hope that, when i eventually start working with a university, i'll be able to get involved with the theatre program. i'll never be able to work for a school that has no theatre, has no program for students to create a living, visual, sentient environment for their peers and community.

i find theatre to be the impossible beauty that everyone can participate in - not everyone can act beautifully, not everyone can sing with grace, but everyone can enjoy theatre, whether it's from backstage, the orchestra pit, or the audience.

secrets.

after a long day and a long night (both of which were arguably excellent).. i felt terrible.

and now i feel so clean.

i'm finally sending in my secrets.

"i'm haunted"

before i bother to make a post-spring break update detailing our fantastic shenanigans, i thought it'd be just as nice to have a brief, friendly post about how lovely the weather's been lately.
over break, it got up to around 60 degrees and then.. the sky decided to freeze. and fall.
sky, you suck.
up here, it's still cool, but has significantly warmed since the sky started plummeting snow-barf upon us. and i am, consequently, in a significantly better mood. *glee*

and henry green.. no, he doesn't use articles (except for rare occasions). no, he doesn't use all the commas he needs to and, no again, he doesn't use quotation marks but, nonetheless, he's growing on me. i went into class this morning loathing his unconventional ways and nonstandard punctuation, but since speaking about his and learning to have a little respect for his method, i've started to enjoy the book. peer pressure triumphs again! it's still frustrating and confusing, of course, but it's not nearly so bad as when i thought he was just being mean for the sake of pissing off innocent literature students.
i look forward to finishing this novel.

"how we found the same old fears.."

while listening to depressing, yet beautiful, covers of older music by lovely rasputina, i remembered that i had good news to spill onto the blogosphere.

:several weeks ago, i sent in a paper for a conference. i only did this semi-seriously. the conference in slippery rock (read: bumble) and i wasn't sure that my paper even met the topic of the conference.
now, that i'd all but forgotten about that submission, i got an email: congratulations! you're more awesome than you thought!

so, basically, i submitted a paper only for the sake of doing so.. and got in. no revision, no real thought (plenty of work went into that paper.. it was damn good) but only changing the format from .odt to .doc and attaching it to an email.
why is that so easy?
their response/congratulations email said that this conference, hosting students from the entire state (not just psu like the last conference i went to) only accepted 50 papers.. and my completely effortless submission was one of them. wtf?
whatever, though. i get to present at a conference and be a big-league undergrad. it's pretty exciting to go to conferences: the last one was really fun. yeah, there were some boring papers/people, but the majority of the experience was wonderful and enlightening. this conference will also have me not staying at home. i'll be out of my comfort zone (all but in ohio, actually) and i'll be forced to speak to people that i have no school ties with. it should be exciting.

i like excitement. but, as i've said before and as i'm sure i'll say again.. when is this going to get harder? and when it does, will i be able to handle it?
i guess we'll see. *smile*

"and is this my final chance...?"

just shy of three weeks ago, i gave a copy of one of my most recently "awesome" writing samples to janet lyon (head of english honors advising) for perusal to decide whether or not i'm eligible for the honors college. since she hasn't yet gotten back to me.. i'm going to assume that i didn't make the cut and i don't have the distinct pleasure/terror of having to write an undergraduate thesis.
of course, that particular pleasure is undercut by the worry that i'll start on my dissertation with no work longer than 20 pages under my belt.
that undercutting, though, is further undermined by my determination to participate in this year's NaNoWriMo, but not in november. instead, i'll be doing it in july.. like all the cool kids. like, uh.. that awesome guy that i called at lion line tonight! i talked to this guy for 50 minutes just shooting the breeze, swapping funny drinking stories (his were, admittedly, way wilder than mine) and talking about computers and writing. he was a really cool guy (freelance writer) who was both refreshing to speak with and full of interesting ideas and tips for getting into both grad school and the professional writing world. and, not only was he cool, but he also pledged $100 on a credit card. sweet half hour bonus! also, he complimented me to my supervisor - this can only lead to good things. the best thing he did, though, was remove me from an entirely draining evening of calling lousy prospects and receiving angry hang-ups instead of scholarship-supporting pledges.

i'm so ready for spring break. my yarn hasn't arrived yet (so i'm dreading tomorrow's 3 hour english class and another 3 1/2 hour shift at work with nothing to do) and i have no motivation to study for my midterms (i read, so i'm good.. all i need to do is not mix up spenser and wells. should be pretty easy), nor do i have any desire to work on this paper due tomorrow. i've got it halfway done, i've got strong notes, and a potent ability to bullshit my way through, but... the act of writing with no real interest is just.. not holding my interest?

on a brighter note, even though i'm pretty sure i'm not in the honors college, i'll still be able to schedule some pretty sweet english classes next semester because the available ones are looking awesome: stuff like "the american novel 1900-1945" and american poetry of the same period. also, some scary/enjoyable stuff like "the english novel to austen" which would have me read fielding and sterne.. but in a more mature way.

my father sent me a valentine's day card. i don't really know how i feel about my relationship with him: i'm so glad to finally be able to see him and tell him i love him and call him dad, but.. on the other hand: am i setting myself up for a ton of pain? he's got very aggressive cancer - will it kill him before i can see the pride in his eyes as he walks his only daughter into a traditional wedding? i guess that's sort of a take-off from my positive rantings just a moment ago. i have the card he sent me strapped to my corkboard, the little enclosed piece with my name and a quotation from psalms sits in the front of a picture frame holding my matthew-pirate. i see both my father's love and my matthew's very different love whenever i sit at my desk.
i hope they both can stick around for a long time. ::kicks mortality::
::and fickleness::

"money, it's a gas"

work finally paid me last night - yess! so, what did i do? the obvious, of course: bought things! not only did i order the yarn that features in the last post (purchased 7 skeins in hollyberry), but i also bought some fabulous needles at michael's (thanks for taking me, alison!). i bought a circular needle for doing the main body of the pretty sweater and a set of double-pointed needles (DPNs) for the sleeves and whatnot. they're so wonderful and i'm working on learning how to use them. using some of the lousy acrylic yarn i have left over from past projects, i figured out how to use the DPNs and my next learning time will include figuring out how to use the circular needle without throwing the whole project on the floor in frustration/clumsiness.
so, today is "state patty's day" and not only are there tons of people wearing green today (myself included) but there are also people *conspicuously* missing from my classes. my 1pm italian class was missing a full half of the people so, for the second day in a row, we didn't do anything. this week has been so great - completely unproductive - but great. monday we just sort of bummed around and went over homework, tuesday we had fun silly italian guys come in and we sang and danced the tarantella with them. wednesday there's no class and yesterday we just talked about how the professor used to teach in georgia and couldn't understand anyone in the town. apparently, savannah is as backward as any other place in the south. today the only thing we learned was a few swear words. *gringrin*
i've been listening to flogging molly all day. i'd forgotten how great they could be when you were having a nice sunny day - i've mostly been listening to them when i need a pick-up, not when i'm already feeling good.
and why am i feeling good? well, i finished another book today (a walker in the city) and i'm finally heading back to under western eyes and we're sooooo done with "faerie queene" of which i was very much tired. we're picking up a more profound book in the jewish lit class (malamud's the assistant) and i finished reading "the laramie project" which nearly had me in tears with its strength. i suggest everyone read it: it's definitely worthwhile, especially as a quick read (i read it in, maybe, two hours).
i feel like, even with midterms quickly approaching (one on monday and wednesday and another on thursday and a paper due wednesday), i've got more free time than i've had recently. it's a good feeling.
also, tonight (right after work), anita and i are going to shamrockapella, an a capella concert to benefit veterans recovering from war trauma. it's not just a good cause but it'll be friggin' sweet music. i'm definitely looking forward to it (especially as it follows only 2 1/2 hours of work, instead of the normal 3 1/2). we're also planning on going to see "in pursuit of happyness" at the HUB tonight. i've heard good things about that, and it's got will smith's cute little boy in it, so it can't be too bad.

in other news: i've become best friends with the humanities reading room in the library. it's a great place to go just to read in a quiet atmosphere uncluttered with distractions like the internets.. and blogging.
on that note, though, i have to get going. must feed before work and maybe even relax a little bit before heading out. yay, relaxation!

happy state patty's day: i hope you don't remember it, but in a safe way. *grin*

"come what may"

i started my italian homework about 40 minutes ago, and promptly left off doing it in favor of watching "a very long engagement" - a film highly recommended by a friend and which seems both lovely and moving, but the copy i have has really lousy subtitles, so i guess i'll just have to legitimately rent it from someplace. pirating, you have failed me!
in any case, the film reminded me of something special that i was thinking this morning: matthew and i have been together (but for one brief lapse) 33 months. such an interesting number. not quite three years, but still impressive. i also love numbers divisible by eleven.
of course, today i checked out kawaiinot (which everyone should be reading) and found this lovely comic that you barely see to the left. *gringrin*
today is a loooong day (only two classes, but work afterwards and i still have to read more of "the faerie queene"). i went to bed late, but got a lot accomplished: finished to the lighthouse (yesss!) and typed up some notes that i'd written for my next paper. by 2am, i had finished pretty much all i'd wanted to accomplish for the day.
also today, i'm looking forward to going with alison to the yarn store and/or michael's (!) to pick up needles for my next project. i finished matt's hat (unfortunately, i don't have my camera up here, so no pictures until i have a picture device) and am anxious to start on this awesome sweater. ideally, i'll do it in this pretty yarn, but i'm not sure which color. sort of a toss-up between leaf, hollyberry, and slate (listed in order of preference). lettuce doesn't look bad, either. i'm looking at needing ~7 skeins to finish the sweater (extra because leftovers > running out mid-sleeve).
so, i'm looking at an overall investment of .. maybe $40 for this sweater, but it'll be fabulously soft and will procure me many useful needles along the way. yay, knitting!

that's about all for now. still have to do this italian homework that i've been putting off. leave comments about yarn color!